this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don't warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here



pending poems  index



chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page



audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed  !



birds


of


a


feather


flock


together


but


a


bird


of


prey


can


be


amongst


them

:

o

)
















the


men


are


at


war


while


the

women


are


at


home


tending


the


roses

:

o

)

my  comment :


i was looking at some of the ww2 fighting clips

really intense gritty fighting


the homily is illustrative of something

the

madness

of

being

actually

i was getting pricked by a bit of rose pruning when it came to me

: o )
















the


alphabet


is


inherently


digital !




my comment:



it's to do with the alphabet being a 24 digit space


that's its little universe tho of course other characters get added in

















shares


if


they


are

a


good


buy


now


they


are

a


good


buy a



week


later


:


o


)


they


are


rarely


a


good


buy


now


in


fact !
















some


bad


things


have


to

happen


because


we


don't


learn


any


other


way


that


is


of


necessity


damaging


but


hopefully


not


too


damaging !
















the


zen


premise


is


wrong


that


you


can


simply


correct


yourself


and


come


back


to


infinity


it


doesn't


work


that


way !
















the

problem


with


seated


meditation


is


why


does


it


make


everyone


who


does

it


schizophrenic ?


you


can't


say


it


doesn't


because


it


does


and


i


am


not


sure


it


can


be


unwound !


if


you


are


doing


it


stop


and


then


it's


about


15

years


to


unwind


sorta !
















silence


is


golden


because


noise


is


not !
















is


there


 something


other


than


  this ?
















the


universe


itself


is

a


large


scale


structure

:


o


)
















i'm


starting


to


very


slowly


get


a


grip


of


my


being


insane


:


o


)


btw


i


think


we


all


 are !


yes


the


entire


human


species


is


insane !


you


can


see


it


after

a



while


it's


very


obvious !


a


narrowness


or


blinkeredness


that


gives


meaning


to


a


context


but


the


context


is


nonsensical !
















there's


something


recursive


about


fractals


a


failure


to


appear


to


be


fractal


and


NOT !

:


o


)
















holy


is


in


every


way


a


fiction !
















david


bain


that


easy


but


blinding


egotism


too


much


greek


violence


in


younger


life


:


o


)
















i

don't


mind


being


dead

it's


the


process


of


getting


there


that


  sucks !


   


o


~
















andrew


cohen


anyone


who


could


take


his


mother

a

s


a


disciple


has


got


deep


semantic


issues


as


has


she !
















you


do


something


that


is


totally


distinctly


uniquely


you


and


there's


no-one


there


?   


o


~
















god


doesn't


exist


you


are


thinking


god


is


the


central


question


but


what


is

existance


and


what


is

non

existance


are


the


central


questions !
















the


rules


of


ghosts


they


can't


harm


you


they


can't


talk


they


can


only


appear !
















depression


gets


all


the


right


answers


naturally


?    x


o


~
















infinity


is


not


people !


a


star


spiked


sky


.


.


.


.
















it


never


hurts


adults


to


starve


a


bit


especially


as


they


get


older !
















what


is


the


point


of


austerities


if


you


fantasize ?
















communism


it


never


worked


and


if


it


does


it


never


did !
















england had  pogroms  too !
















i'm


not


dying


you


all


are


when

i


cease


you


all


cease !


your


existance


was


always


fragmentary !


infamous


last


words


?    x


o


~
















the


problem



with


zen


is


you


volunteer


your


life


away


into


something


futile !


basically


they


get


what's


coming


to


them


you


can't


wish


punishment


on


those


who


do


it


so


effectively


to


themselves !
















the


essential


isolation


of


ourselves


:


o


)
















red


heads


have


certain


savancies !


;


o


)
















the


usa


is


an


industrial


society


with


industrial


values !
















just my opinion but the last  line  is saying that these colours via the meaning of the colours is “how the bird moves” so to speak


ashvaghosha's view is fundamentally solipsistic , again in my opinion


i have a different interpretation of the significance of the colours, red is a unity of infinity and reality and the most potent and personally crucifying of the colours, though there can be a certain benignness to it



blue is sort of like a high energy coupling of infinity, dangerous and manic and only taking infinity in this high energy way


gold is new to me and i have yet to work it out, probably some illusory safe area!


white i usually take to be a sexually charged colour !



it's


so


unusual


to


come


across


any


interest


in

colours


like


this


and


to


see

it



walk


out


from


1900


years


ago


like


this


is


almost


unbelievable !
















the


pole


star


of


loss


all


existance


circles


around


it !
















it


is


the


nature


of


mediocracy


that


they


cannot


place


themselves


second


fiddle


to


what


is


superior


to


them


but


must


overpower


and


squelch


and


crush


any


spirit


out


of


it


this


gives


them


joy !
















i


think


you


have


changed


considerably


you


are


much


more


distanced


from


everything



in


life !
















true


colours



a

shifting


mutation


of


instability !
















what


impresses


me


about


the


net


is


the


sheer


endlessness


of


the


same


people


with


the


same


issues!


there's


a


million


million


of


you


trying


it


on !
















each


meal


is


unfortunately


a


discovery !
















laura


ranger


not


writing


anymore ?


must


have


had

a

bad


neural


pruning !
















the


world


ceases


entirely


after


my


death


it


came


into


being


with


my


birth !
















to


those


who


criticize


me


i


have


only


one


reply


“ let's


see


you


do


better ! ”
















winter


solstice


summer


solstice


the


hour


glass


of


the


seasons


has


turned


in


our


favour


now !


(the


southern


hemisphere


to


the


north !)































rommel  was a fink because he copped out of the plot to kill hitler, that was his biggest personal failure and he was forced to commit suicide because hitler thought he was involved anyway!


germany had always lost since the 1930's with the emigration of their best scientists who were jewish
















beryl-blue


eyes


and


red


beaks


give


me


red


eyes


and


a


beryl


blue


beak !
















there's


two


rose


gardens


the


secret


rose


garden


by


shabistari


in


translation


by


florence


lederer


which


needs


to


be


improved


and


the


rose


garden


by sa'di


which


tho


somewhat


ornate


is


full


of


good


practical


advice !
















the


problem


with


translation


is


it


loses


the


allusive


richness


and


constant


entendre


of


the


original


language


and


culture !
















a


woman's


breasts


are


they


there


for


your


sexual


gratification?


no


they


are


there


to


feed


babies


sexual


gratification


is


secondary


to


purpose !
















muhammad


jesus


buddha


of


neccessity

a


load


of


crap !
















religion


and


philosophy


the


endless


trying


to


make


something


out


of


nothing !
















it's


better


to


arrive


somewhere


having


come


through


what


doesn't


work !


hopefully


you


will


avoid


that


again !
















if


you


assume


there


is


an


error


and

go


through


it


you


will


find


them


:


o


)
















what


is


existance


what


is


non -


existance


:


o


)


still

viral


i


am


afraid


!
















winter


is


a


time


of


hardship


because


the


food


   changes !
















a


king


governs


by


virtue

of


superior


ability


but


he


gets


dragged

down


by


the


needs


and


abilities


of


those


around


him!
















occasionally


i


take


my


own


advice


:


o


)
















trying


to


explain


something


that


is


not


really


explainable


the


mystery


of


bad


translation !
















sometimes


i


take


my


own


advice


:


o


)
















that's


the


thing


about


youth


they


have


all


that


energy


seen

from


the


slow


perspective


of


aging !
















that's


the


thing


about


youth


they


have


all


that


energy


seen

from


the


slow


perspective


of


age !
















tolstoy


went


senile


in


his


later


years


too


much


viral


exposure


from


his


visitors


who


were


a


pretty


ripe


bunch


and


mercury !


interestingly


his


wife


was

a


woman


of


sense


except


that


she


married


him !
















re-


marrying


who


could


want


more


than


one


mother-

in


law


in


a


lifetime ?
















zen - bies !
















everything


persists


for

a


little


while


then


is


gone !
















i


think


why


zen


is


really


damaging


is


people


who


don't


know


what


they


are


on


about


portray


themselves

a

s


knowing


what


they


are


on


about !
















the


world


works


differently


to


our


theories


about

it


this


btw


is


the


norm !
















a


galaxy


though


it


doesn't


feel


anything


it's


always


going


through


transitions


taumas !
















if


you


always


go


to


bed


comfy


feeling


well


well


fed


you


are


never


going


to


see


life

properly !
















“bloody buddhism”


well you are right there but you don't really see it.


“the supreme practice which Dogen called the backward step of turning one's light and letting it shine, on the contrary, is to come back to one's self”


there's no self to return to, it's just the  mandara  flower !

















it


is


a


terrible


thing


to


be


dependent


on


a


dentist


:


o


)
















one


thing


i


do


well


the


rest


i


don't


do


so

well


:


o


)
















life


is


infinitely


demanding


if


you


think


it


is


finitely


demanding


which


most


people


seem


to


do


then


your


eyes


aren't


open


you


are


always


tottering


on


the


precipice


of


death !
















socrates


was


killed


for


his


effective


criticisms


of


the


various


religions


and


cults


of


the


time !
















over the years


you


can


see


everybody


has


gone


in


straight


lines !
















everybody


goes


in


straight


lines!
















the


whole


problem


reading


don


quixote


without


understanding


it !
















a


thrill


for


the


ladies


jesus


he's


good !
















who needs the compendium ?


only  $19 !


sanity


is


the


least

liked


thing


on the

net imo !


and


in


life


;


o


)
















the


degree


of


mental


retardation


in


buddhism


is


incredible !
















it's


the


hardest


thing


in

the


world


to


escape


zen


and


it's


crap !
















the


dreamtime


knows


no


race


it


calls


to


those


who


can


hear


and


see


it !
















the


trouble


with


the


lives


of


various


religion


founders


like


christ


or


buddha


is


those


sort


of


insights


do


not


come


from


communal



contexts


yet


the


stories


are


overwhelmingly


communal !
















the


deep


insanity


that


runs


through


humans


is


the


need


to


continue !
















life


has


a

lot


of


different


modes


of


existance


modulating


between


existing


and


not


and


what


look


like


prime


movers


like


money


are


in


fact


an


artifact !
















if you are such a  hero  why did you delete my previous comment about you being too exposed in this video ?


heroes to themsleves but wimps and bullshitters in life huh !
















you


buy


a


share


expecting


them


to


make


money


for


you


then


it


turns


out


they


are


making


money


from


you


and


you

are


losing it !
















if


you

stop


making


excuses


for


them


and


look


at


how


fucking




ordinary

they


are


actions


get


simpler !
















because


i


am


so


completely


myself


i


always


get


completely


floored


and


taken


in


by


people


who


are


not !
















pyschopath


an


extreme


hypocrite !
















life


has


no


meaning


without


breakfast !
















did you know



ravens just don't pluck out the eyes , but they reach their beaks down through the skin from under and along the jaw and eat the thyroids?



no



wonder



they



are



so



   energetic !
















abandon


any


idea


of


being

right


and


wrong !


it's


easy


and


illuminating !
















abandon


any


idea


of


being

right


or


wrong !


it's


easy


and


illuminating !
















what is red ?


what


is


blue ?


what


are


you ?
















whatisred


what


is


blue


what


are


you ?
















sometimes


i


feel


we


are


the


silliest


species


that


ever


walked


the


planet !
















be


ware


the


web


it


can


go


off


infinitely


in


any


direction !
















andrew


cohen


is


really


 lame !
















how long can it last?  big mistake werner !
















twitter


is


for


   twits !
















there's


something


very


crimped


about


thomas


hardy


dulled


like


a


blunted


knife


compared


to


what


he


might


have


been


the


syphilis


i


presume !
















janet


frame


she


was


autistic


not


schizophrenic


people


have


a


great


deal


of


difficulty


accepting


autism


as


life's


fundamental


paradigm


with


its


sparse


nothing -


ness


compared


to


their


large


native


inborn

theories


of


mind !
















what


is


enlightenment?


what


is


enlightenment?


what


is


enlightenment?


what


is


holy?


what


is


holy?


what


is


holy?



what


is


being

a


scab



what


is


being

a


scab



what


is


being

a


scab ?
















you


cannot


exhaust


everything


some

things


you


just


have


to

leave


because


exhausting


it


just


creates


new


potential


for


involvement !


it's


better


to


leave


at


least


with

a


semi-


settled


understanding


though !
















luxuriant


garlands


and


wreaths


from


the


trees


fragrantly


affecting


and


coiled


earrings


fit


to


shame


gold


ones !





saundarananda  10.20
















toni


packer's


problem


of


decompression !


the


talks


and


the


retreats


and


the


interviews


then


the


talks


are

a


decompression


of


that


i


am


similar


on


the


net


the


question


is


being stuck


in


this


of


any


benefit ?
















we


always


make


mistakes


and


always


will


and


quite


bad


ones


at


that


the


thing


is


correct

them


and


in


fact


move


into a


new


era


of


competence !



impossible ?
















the


problem


with


the


net


is


you


get


drawn


into


peripheral


lives !
















e t e r n i t y




what



is



   that ?

















happiness


is


incomplete


un


happiness


is


incomplete


happiness


and


unhappiness


are


incomplete !
















emily


dickinson


died


at


55


i


am


54


i


don't


want



to


join


her !
















i


wonder


if


the


net


is


making


me


insane ?


it


might


be



or



schizophrenic


at


least



from



information


overload !
















just


let


me


cry


and


weep


for


my


stupidity


:


o


(
















i


am

incredibly


influenced


by


people !


i


am


much


better


with


impersonal


stuff !
















i


must


say


the


average



human


is


incredibly


dull


and


uninteresting !


egoic


stupid


farts !


:


o


)
















i


don't


think


there's


any


coherent


explanation


for


infinity


i


never


come


across


one


that


didn't


fall


apart


it's


all


process


and


approximation !
















all


images


are


distortions


except


for


the


one


image


that


isn't


it


runs


true


and


you


can


tell


by


the


way


it's


purveyor


is


reviled


and


feels


himself


reviled !
















you


can't


change


or


address


the


complete


person


they


can


only


cope


with


small


or


even


tiny


bits


and


that's


how


you


should


approach


it,

too


much


will


only


result


in


rejection !


and


hazard


to


yourself


.



.



.



.
















there's


a


tragic


current


through

thomas


hardy's


works


he


gave


his


wife


syphilis


on


their


honeymoon


and


she


eventually


became


mad


from


it !


also
















june


the


22nd

summers


running


to


winter


in


the


northern


hemisphere


and


winters


creeping


to


summer


in


the


southern !
















infinity


is


surprisingly


open


and


closed !
















“ realisation ” ?


one


continual


spiritual


orgasm !


pull


the


other


one !
















this


is


going


to


sound


crazy


but


you


do


not


have


to


go


to


prison


unless


you


want


or


agree


to !
















time


is


just


a


mechanism


for


universes


to


communicate !
















time


is


but


a


vehicle


to


talk


across


universes !
















“ who


are


you? ”


what


is


who ?
















we


are


born


before


the


universe


and


more


than


the


universe !
















what


we


don't


understand


when


some-one


dies


is


we


have


also


ceased
















what


we


don't


understand


when


some-one


dies


we


have


ceased
















brother  death  i'm coming home ...
















it


doesn't


matter


how


much


you


do


for


the


group


they


are


still


there


only


to


use


you !